Most of us are familiar with the story of Job from the Bible. Job was considered a man who feared God and hated evil. (Job 1:1)
Job was living his life and all was going well until his world started crumbling around him.
I can relate. My life was going great too, but then one thing after another started happening. My former husband and I started having marital problems. My daughter started acting out when she was in high school. The problems in my marriage became even worse and I became depressed. I would go to work, teach, and interact with students, colleagues, and parents. On weekends, I would not style my hair at times. I would moisturize it and wrap a black scarf around my head. I would sit on my side porch on warm days with a woolen throw draped around me. I was slowly shutting out my family. The suduko puzzles had become my companion. This helped to calm my frayed nerves.
My daughter and I had been so close, but now my youngest sister was acting as a parent to my child. The two were going to church together, going out to eat after church, and going shopping. My daughter and I had been inseparable. She is the child born from another mother, but I love her unconditionally and she knows that. Perhaps, that is part of the reason she made such bad decisions. She decided to stay with my sister until it was time for the prom.
Eventually, she returned home to finish out the rest of her junior year. We were a family again, at least for a few months.
The strain of the disappointments in my life took a toll on my mental, emotional, and physical health.
The relationships I once held dear to my heart were failing. Plus, my potassium was low and the Vitamin D in my body was almost depleted. Before the summer was over, I had to be admitted to the hospital. My family members were shocked. My mother was concerned that she might lose another daughter. My husband appeared baffled by my actions. I reached an extreme low and I told people that I did not want to live anymore. I didn’t want to die; I wanted the pain to stop.
Emotional pain is hard and heartbreak is real.
I had experienced the loss of a stable marriage. My husband had confessed to some almost unbelievable sins. I was so disappointed that he gave in to a female’s advances.
Questions flooded my thoughts.
Why didn’t he honor his wedding vows? How could he do this to us? What was he thinking? And why didn’t he just walk away from the temptation? The pastor asked him some of the same questions.
A husband does not tell his wife that he has been unfaithful and still expect her to maintain her sanity.
During my time in the hospital, I became even more depressed. I was surrounded by depressed individuals; they were either depressed or fighting drug addictions. I wanted out!
The group sessions were the worst part of my day. I had no desire to hear anyone else’s sad story. I had my own tearful narrative.
I prayed to be released. Eventually, I was discharged from the hospital. I wasn’t well. In fact, I was depressed for weeks.
At the end of summer, I returned back to work. During my first few days back, I received comments on my weight loss. I shared my struggle to overcome depression with some of my close colleagues. I was glad to be back at work and I looked forward to getting my classroom prepared for my students.
My life was back on track. My daughter was excited about shopping for clothes and school supplies. My husband and I had just celebrated our 23rd anniversary. We were a family again.
God had answered my prayers.
Before the official start of the school year for the students, my husband and I separated.
It was a painful experience. He kept saying that he wanted his freedom. He said that he loved me, but he did not want the marriage anymore. In 2010, the divorce was final. I received the divorce decree in the mail. I had been away from home for months. My infant grandson was constantly being admitted to the hospital for health issues. He had severe reflux problems. He had been in a special NICU for preterm babies in Augusta. And, my mom had just recently passed away from pancreatic cancer.
Things were not looking good for my family. Honestly, I felt as if I no longer had a family.
Instead of my situation getting better, my world took an even more downward spiral.
Job’s wife told him to curse God and die. I never reached that low. I kept praying that God would restore my family, but perhaps the marriage was never God’s will for me.
It has been almost 7 years since the divorce. My ex-husband has not remarried. He continues to live with his mother. He still attends worship service faithfully.
I am still single, but I want to be a wife again and I firmly believe that God will give me the desires of my heart.
I am still waiting for God’s best. God restored Job. The bible says that he is not a respecter of persons. If He did it for Job, then He is more than able to do it for me.
I will wait for my change. This just may be my year.
If you know someone who is struggling with depression, encourage them to seek professional help. I am thankful for my family and my church who supported me during some of my darkest hours.
Growing in His Grace Daily…